In My Arms

Morgan woke up an hour into her usual 2 1/2 hour nap today. Great, I thought, there goes watching "Days" in peace today! By the tone of her cry (and past experience), I figured she was not going to go back to sleep. Kirklyn was sleeping in the guest room across the hall from Morgan at the time, so I ran to Morgan's room to get her before she woke Kirklyn up. I noticed as I walked in the room, though, that she wasn't her normal perky post-nap self. I usually go in to find her bouncing up and down while holding onto the crib rail. I swear one of these days she is going to launch herself over. Today, however, she was just sitting there clutching her bear with the pink blanket still wrapped around her. She was kind of in a "I don't think I'm supposed to be awake yet" daze. So, I picked her up and laid her in my arms. Surprisingly, she didn't object to being horizontal, so I sat down in the rocking chair. Lately when I try to hold her like that, she will have nothing of it. She squirms and arches her back to be released from the grasp of my arms. Toddlers just do not want to be confined - even for a minute! Today was different, though. She was lying so still and was snuggled up next to me just like old times! I couldn't believe it when she fell asleep a few minutes later. It seems like an eternity since she fell asleep in my arms. We have been so concerned for the last year about "putting her down while she's drowsy, but not asleep", as all the books instructed us. In all my haste to teach her to sleep on her own, I forgot what it used to be like when we rocked her to sleep. It really touched my heart today to hold her in that way again. I realized a few things in those few moments as I rocked her...

• The distinct shape of her eyes - they are so much like my sister's.
  
• The softness of her eyebrows, which are white and perfectly compliment her eyes.
• The way her nose angles up perfectly at the tip.
  
• Her white hair resting on my arm. She didn't have much hair the last time I rocked her to sleep. Today her cowlick was being blown softly by the ceiling fan.
  
• The way her lips are perfectly shaped - this was the first feature Greg and I noticed in the hospital when she was born.
  
• How much she has grown - she is 34 inches long and her feet now hang off my legs as I'm sitting in the chair
• How she looks like an angel when she sleeps. She has always looked that way to us.
  

Most of all, I was reminded of the precious gift God blessed me with 18 months ago. Morgan brings so much joy and happiness to our lives everyday. She has such a friendly personality, which she shares with EVERYONE we come in contact with from the teenagers at church to the grocery sackers at Kroger. We are the luckiest parents in the world to have been blessed with a child who truly makes our family complete.

So, after gazing and Morgan for those few minutes which seemed like an hour, I decided it was time to put her back in her crib. I wiped the tears from my face and then realized I didn't remember how I was supposed to get out of the rocking chair without waking her up! Those early motherhood fears came rushing back to me very quickly! I definitely took a few minutes to psych myself up for the task. I planned my strategy and prayed I could get all 3 feet of her her, as well as the bear and blanket, in the crib without tripping over the toys in the floor and/or ramming her into the side of the crib. It went very well and she stayed asleep for another hour or so.

Our family life has been so chaotic this summer with trips, events, everyday busy-ness, and the nature of an 18 months old a.k.a. the Tazmanian Devil (as I like to call her). I think that God was telling me today that I needed to STOP in the midst of the chaos and remember what is truly important. I wouldn't have all the chaos if I didn't have this precious little girl. She is why I choose to stay at home instead of working full time. Her physical, emotional, and spiritual growth should be my focus daily. Don't misunderstand, I don't feel like I've neglected her in any way. I just realized today that it is way too easy to get caught up in other tasks that we think determine our success as moms (laundry always done, gourmet dinners every night, dirt free floors, etc.) I pray that God helps me focus on the big picture more and the everyday business less.

Thank you, Morgan, for waking up early from your nap today. It was just what I needed! : )